Life

Today I'm having a major headache and heavy period. I'm feeling so sick and I want to go home but i don't have the car with me. My stomach ache too.

Life is crazy a friend of mine told me. I think it's true. Life is crazy.. It's just a matter of time before we realize it. As for me, turning twenty this year, my life and my way of thinking changes drastically. I don't know where to start.

I used to be the kind of girl who just go with the flow and whatever comes, comes. I don't have a major problem to deal with and I'm happy with that. In fact, I am happy with everything I have now! I just live my life normally without any challenges.

I realize that I used to spend my weekends doing the same thing. I don't go out and enjoy myself much. I don't spend time for my friends and family as well. I seriously think that I am missing a lot on life and what the world have to offer!

Now, I'm beginning to think differently. Lets hear the new me..

It begins with this thought 'What If?'. I don't want to wake up 10 to 20 years from now thinking, 'What if I took that step before?'. I just realize that I can do everything on my own. So, my first step is to go and travel! With a friend of course. I wanted to go somewhere far. A foreign country, not Asia because Asians looks like me! I am certain that there's some things that I will not regret and I am trying to develop this thought where I will never regret any decision I make and if ever something bad happens along the way, I will just try and do something new! How hard can that be?

I thank you God for giving me wonderful friends by my side who supports me in whatever I do. What's more, they're giving me the courage to move on with my BORING life. I ask some of my friends for opinion. I am afraid that the decision I make will affect the rest of my life. On second thought, whatever decision I make will had an impact on my life..

Hanging out with my old friends reminds me of the old me! And I'm loving it. I almost forgot how I used to love myself and my self confidence. I'm really missing out a lot. To all my friends, thank you for your support and thank you for reminding me of what I used to be. I am going to prepare myself to the beginning of my new era! I love all of you friends. MuaaHH.....

The girl inside

Everyone tells me that I'm not in fashion
I don't look like the girls the magazines
They may be hidden
But I've got my passions
I just don't parade around like some home-coming queen
Take a look, here I am. Can't you see
One simple smile from you
Could set me free
So if you take a look
let your heart be your guide
I'll show you love if you take a look
at the girl inside

Dream of me

Let me sleep
For when I sleep
I dream that you are here
You’re mine
And all my fears are left behind
I float on air
The nightingale sings gentle lullaby
So let me close my eyes

And sleep
Per chance to dream
So I can see the face I long to touch
To kiss
But only dreams can bring me this
So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

I’ll hide beneath the clouds
And whisper to the evening stars
They tell me love is just a dream away
Dream away
I’ll dream away

So let the moon
Shine softly on the boy I long to see
And maybe when he dreams
He’ll dream of me

Craps

I have a lot to write but too little time. I often wonder why do we always have a lot of things to do when the time is limited and nothing when we have all the time in the world. Weird as it sounds, it happens to me. For example, I am SOOO in the mood to write the things that's been going on in my head but I only have 20 minutes left. Why not just now? When I am so bored with nothing to do? I wish I know. Now as I sit here and write this, I was actually thinking of a lot of things. I am thinking of what to do later, thinking of when can I talk to him, when will I get home later after work. Oh, talk about work. I love my job. I love all of my colleagues and my boss too. They rock! I am always happy being in the office. Even when there's someone who will say "I try to stand it but now I really can't, I cannot take it anymore! Please lower down your volume when you talk" I mean, what the heck? We are just trying to make a little conversation here. I know your life is like in a living hell but why must you involve others too? I actually don't feel anything. I do try to keep it down, I even whisper when I talk. What's the point actually? I just don't get him.How I wish I can get a superpower where I can read people's mind and try to read his. Anyways, when my inspiration comes, I will be back and write something. :)

Good Night Love

Seeing you sleep, Makes my heart skipped a beat

With pure innocence painted on your face, I can't seem to take off my gaze

Will I see you like this in the morning? Or will you change when the sun is shining?

A pretty smile carved on my lips, Hoping to feel you on my fingertips..

So peaceful as I can see, I wish that you will always be.

Hope you dream of something nice, Hope you think of me inside

I pray for an angel to be sent from up above, To protect you in your sleep my love,

Good night and sweet dream

Hope you dream of happy things

:)

From a friend

I don't know what tomorrow holds,
I don't know what the future will bring.
All I know is lying here in your arms tonight is the only thing that matters to me,
so hold me close and tell me that you love me,
You don't really have to mean what you say,
I won't hold you to a promise that you make tonight.
I just need those words to get me through this day.
Broken hearts don't ever mend,they just hide the pain away.
Broken hearts don't ever mend,once they've been broken the pain is here to stay.
I'll pretend that you're some one that I love and the pain will begin to disappear.
Tell me one more time that you love me and I'll tell myself that you'll always be here.
Broken hearts don't ever mend, they just hide the pain away,
Broken hearts don't ever mend, once they've been broken the hurt is here to stay.

Insomia

Too many thoughts,
Makes my eyes open wide,
Sighing at each and everything,
When I just want a wonderful dream,
Why, why, why...
Do you have to come in my way?
Please, please, please...
Leave me alone I pray.
Begging for someone to sing me a lullaby,
I can't seem to sleep no matter how hard I try,
I want to cry! I want to die!

Wish me good night,
Give me a kiss,
Turn off the light,
So I can sleep.

(I hate it when I cannot sleep at night! I hate it I hate it I hate it!!!!!)

Long Lost Happiness

How long are we going to be like this?
Why are you being so insensitive?
It's been long since I felt the bliss,
Being happy is something that I miss.

I can't seem to remember any happy thoughts,
Something precious that I have lost,
Missing a thing that I love most,
Trying to get it back at all cost.

Tell me why things go wrong,
After being together for so long,
What will happen after the love is gone?
I hope I can stand up and stay strong.

Said that you love me but you lied,
Said that you will change but didn't even try,
The day will come when we will have to say goodbye,
no turning back and I promise that I will not cry.

Have you ever?

Have you ever,
Wake up in the morning,
Feeling as lonely as can be,
Thinking that there's no point to live?

Have you ever,
be around all people you know,
And yet you can't seem to talk to them,
and they all turn their back on you?

Have you ever,
Felt so miserable,
That you want to let yourself drown,
To end the life that's so hard to bear?

I always felt that way,
and yet I cover it all up,
with a big smile on my happy face,
Hoping to save people from feeling the way I do.

P/s Im out of ideas, I dont know what to write for the last paragraph. I don't have the car with me now. That's so sad. If any of you got any ideas for the ending, feel free to put It in my comments :)

Selamat Hari Raya

Thinking of what to do,
Or should I just lay for another hour or two,
Laziness is growing in me,
I think I'm going to cook Maggi Mee.
(Going to cook now, what a good idea)

Watching Ratatouille,
What a bore my life can be,
Thinking of coffee,
I'm very sure that can make me happy. :)

What do I wear?
To an Open House of Raya,
The same old clothes,
Or maybe the new kebaya?

Selamat Hari Raya,
To all the muslims out there,
Hope you all had a blissful day,
and be nice, play fair.

Love you all my dearly friends.

Sincerely me,
Pheadra